Silly lil overheard:
Teacher, peering out the window into the hallway in the Digital Media wing, to his Visual Design Class: "Gosh, just look at those people out there. Wha, do they think they're in a hotel? What with the kissing and the heavy petting."
Student, honestly inquiring: "What, like with two girls?"
posted by LauraB 2:18 PM
Things we should do in New York:
1. Make these damn advertisting executives LIFT a finger and install a major, giant, system for putting ads in the subway (why do we have nothing to look at there?) 10% of space would be subsidized for public service announcements, 10% would be for arts and artists (you'd probably have to toss some schoolkid art in there from time to time) 80% of the space would generate just a HUGE amount of money for the city.
1.b. Also, put in little tiny ads all along the escalators, a la London's Tube.
2. Have a Manhattan Manhattan project about how to implement recycled goods immediately. (E.G. Force Streets and Sanitation to use plasphat.)
3. Waive all city income and/or property taxes for a year for anyone who installs a self-composting toilet instead of a hi-flow flush toilet. (This would be exceptionally effective for high-rises, but you'd have to employ architects and engineers.)
4. Hook up the damn gyms with their damn treadmills to the electric grid.
I'm just getting started, but i gots to go now. Anyone have any other ideas? Send 'em equatorial-ward & we'll be happy to inform the public of your critical thinking and design ideas. Peaceout, brothers and sisters.
posted by LauraB 1:01 PM
Pointless infantalizing dictatorial memos sweeping Ladies' Rooms U.S.A.-wide:
Look, if i haven't figured out how to pee yet, i probably can't read your little rhymy sign. Is there anything that makes a person want to hose down the inside of a stall more than the "if you sprinkle when you tinkle" refrain? I think not. To all the people who have been busy plastering these little computer-emoticon-ified little notes with the flowery borders just about everywhere I look - we got it! And thanks for not putting a flag it. Or turn your efforts to places where this handy little reminder is really required - like my subway seat, which is truly awful when tinkled upon.
I'm not a sweetie, wipe your own damn seatie.
posted by LauraB 3:33 PM
Hard Rolls
On page 752 of The New Joy of Cooking, there is an excellent recipe for Viennese hard rolls, a yeast recipe whose secret is beaten-to-soft-peak egg whites. They were so nice and crusty on the outside, airy and light as feathers on the inside that I tried the same recipe in a loaf shape - and BLECK! Who'da thunk it really does make a difference? But it does.
posted by LauraB 3:55 PM
On the Art Students' League:
Okay, so we've signed up for printmaking classes at said school which was recommended to us by Signora Sparccarili A___ as a good solid place to get solid studio time and direct instruction in basic techniques, without a lot of fancy theory. Handy if one is exploring the option of producing graphics and packaging for his or her next album. So far we have attended 3 classes, and finally today the TA admitted that the instructor is "secretive" and may or may not be in class next week. Fortunately, osmosis is working well and we are moving on from a test plate to aquatint next week. But can you imagine?
Anyhoo, the point is, we're looking around for total raise the roof cover art/graphics/handmades of the best CD art you ever saw, for inspiration. We're not gonna copy it, we just like to hear about crazy-ass packaging. For example, the best CD art a Casa Fractura is by a band called F**k on "Bunny Loves a Fluffy", and it's a little box with a fake stamp, a letter inside, some matches, and the CD casually tossed in. Or did you hear the one about the Japanese courtier who was beloved by the pillow ladies for his tendency to coat the undersides of leaves on magnolia trees with gold leaf. We digress. What's the coolest CD packaging you know of? Send descriptions, photos, examples to me and be richly rewarded in the liner notes as "visual muse."
posted by LauraB 4:35 PM
Livid
Can you imagine what everyone's least favorite shrubbery (i.e., W) was like before he traded in coke for Jesus? I mean, if this is the mellow Bush what must he've been like before.
We don't care, really - we just want him to stop.
posted by LauraB 12:19 PM
Maryland G13 648
Should we report the recent hit-and-run of a truck who recently snapped off the sideview mirror of a parked car? We discussed it with the hooligans who did the dastardly deed, and declined my suggestion to leave a note of apology and attempts of rectifications etc. to the car owner with a scoff. On the other hand, there are witnesses (3 very enthusiastic cable installation guys, who were happy to egg on a fight between an indignant boho on a tattered 3-speed and two burly dudes in a truck. They offered us a job installing cable afterwards.)
Also: For those of you really get off on curmudgeonliness, misanthropy etc., particularly peculiarly in the youngish; i.e. for those of you for whom irony is an art and whatnot; but not for those of you who already know, please to visit the worker over there at textism. Would that we could blog so prolixly. Looks like we equatorialians need a tourney if we are to remain in the eternal quest for hipdom; gaming's quite popular of late (we're thinking, of the recent and welcome reappearance of Quiz Kid). Go forth and play.
posted by LauraB 4:46 PM
Lipogram
My gracious, folks at of a particular linguisto-grammatarianistic flavor do go on with a goodly amount of flair.
posted by LauraB 4:10 PM
Valentine's day story in the New Yorker this week was an incredibly bittersweet love story involving a brave man who died in the the WTC. Small priavate tears shed on subway, at a black window. A woman of a certain age in a flowing black cape, purple leather gloves up to her elbow, and a hat like a giant-grape ziggurat leans in, places hand on forearm, and whispers politely: "schotze, why do you cry?" Answer: "oh, you know. The thing." She ponders, smilingly, "bah. Now i cry too." And gives a little slap with her glove.
posted by LauraB 6:00 PM
Far be it from me to come down on the wrong side of the flowery velvet pant suit, but it appears dLs and kLs exist. A google search on either give you plenty of hits (though, it must be said, Google suggested that maybe I meant meters in both cases). I would have loved to see her give the teacher what for, tho. 1 big gigaliter o beer comin' right up.
posted by Mike 5:02 PM
We know, we know.
The archives are a mess. That they are working at all is a miracle.
posted by LauraB 4:48 PM
Ick.
A thick shroud of haze lingers over China
posted by LauraB 2:19 PM
Brekkie
So for those of you who don't know, I'm a regular at this Chinese breakfast place, where I have a scallion and cilantro noodle with soy sauce and a lemon tea with equal a couple times a week for $1.70. It's bright and clean and no one has ever actually spoken to me there, except for Ken the waiter who politely asks the wholly unnecessary question "the same?"
So today I was somewhat surprised when a nice smiley lady in a flowery velvet pant suit plunks herself down at my table and says "you answer some questions now." Turns out she is in the midst of a dispute with her son's Chinese-American schoolteacher. What happened was the teacher composed a test about the metric system, and deducted points for the boy's improper conversion of decaLiters to kiloLiters. Now the mum, having grown up in China, knew the metric system full well and had never heard of dLs or kLs, and had a fight with the teacher, who insisted that yes, Americans do use dLs and kLs - that's what she wanted to ask me. I told her no, but it got me to wondering - has anyone anywhere ever used this unit of measurement? If not, why does it exist? And HusbandMan, could you please remember to pick up 200dL of beer on your way home?
posted by LauraB 1:56 PM
Hey, look, you can get news on this thing!
posted by Mike 3:45 PM
And now you can have clean feet to match Or, maybe you should clean your toilet. Heloise jump back!
posted by Mike 3:51 PM
Hotdiggity
Our floors are clean enough for brain surgery. If only our brains were as clean as our floors. Thanks, Sri Fracture!
posted by LauraB 1:21 PM
A small oddity
Not one but three supersized Kenneth Cole advertising supplements muscled their way into our Sunday New York Enron Times yesterday, so we simply had to have a look...now, we thought we could not become filled with a frisson more ennui about advertising, but this was ridiculous. Recumbent skinny folk with hundered dollar pedicures are unremarkable, sure, but the tag lines were original for advertising, "On September 12th... " Drivers waved at fellow drivers with all 5 fingers. People who don't speak to their parents forgot why. We used protection in the bedroom, not the mailroom. (?) All in the service of the forty dollar belt. Are we hopelessly old-fashioned in thinking that this is about the most craven use of advertising brainpower ever? Why oh why couldn't KC live up to his PC hype by, oh say, championing Amtrak? rebuilding Central Asia? Oh, we know, we know.
BTW, we've been meaning to tell y'all about this factoid from the Feb. Harpers: estimated percentage change in the fuel efficiency of an SUB if it flies a small American flag from its antenna: -0.5
We suppose an Afghan flag would reduce the fuel efficiency by the same amount. This is a Sisyphian train of thought.
Speaking of SUV's and bad taste, we are considering the ethics of issuing "Fashion Police Tickets" to SUV drivers in the city. You know, little flyers with citation-boxes for "taking up too much room in the city" and "general vehicular obesity" and "wanton destruction of the environment" type messages. Any thoughts, equatorialists?
And to our Park Row Euro-friends who threw the most excellent housewarming party: YAWL RAWK! Thanks! And congratulations to all the Chili-Cook-Off Contestants at the Bloopersoul game yesterday - your blew our minds and our tongues. We were inspired by your creativity and we are preparing to sweep aside all the competition with a veggie version next year. Bring it on.
posted by LauraB 11:15 AM